Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
