i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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