i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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