did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
smell my finger.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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