what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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