No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
