I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
