Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
