I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
