This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
my poor anus
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
