I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
