I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize