Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
