Someone shit on the floor
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
