Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
