Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
