i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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