I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
