no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
