where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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