We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
