her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
