Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
