Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How does one acquire holy water?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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