Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How does one acquire holy water?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
