At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
