Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
