oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
