i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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