I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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