I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
