I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
