shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
