Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
