I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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