I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
