i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
