No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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