Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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