So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
