woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
