i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
