i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
