I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
