And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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