That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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