I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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