Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
