What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
