Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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