I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
