I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize