...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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