it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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