he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
