I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize