When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
