the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize