If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
