I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
