I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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