I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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