Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
