ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
