she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
