I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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