She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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