Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
